when I imagine myself doing something different/leaving, I always see myself as being miserable. what happened to my eternal optimism that each place I go will be so much better than the place I left? I can't even look forward to the end of the year, it seems so far away and I don't know how I'll feel then. there is honestly only one place that I can see myself being happy and I will have to wait at least two years before I get there.