it is a bit difficult to be confident when you are such a complete failure at pretty much everything. or when you realize you've been trying so hard and it just comes naturally to (what seems like) everyone else. "well you never know if you don't try!!" no, actually. I am often quite aware of when "~~~~just tryyyying something!!!" will lead to nothing but mild humiliation and wasted money.

uuuggghhh I hate myself I should never go on facebook ever (and it's my own damn fault I'm a nothing)

dear god I am so behind, I need to get my shit together and actually DO something. I don't even know what widgets are, I don't know how to code, when this guy talks I have NO idea what he's talking about and I get the feeling that I should try and learn this stuff somehow 'cause this could be my ticket, you know?? I've been thinking about my definable options and there are more concrete ideas than I thought there were, I just need to organize them and write them down, I still have no idea what direction to go in? but this whole "creating tools on the internet/ new uses for technology is actually very interesting to me, and it would mean I could be very mobile, and possibly self- employed (!!!!!) which is something I am very interested in. I mean, my mom told me that pekka worked for the university, not that he had also started his own company/was making money  off of creating interesting things that help people. I need a job jfc. one that won't kill any braincells.

had coffee with chelsea today, came away with renewed determination to DO STUFF. and to keep in contact with people. I'm a little sad because I'm worried about marie, have not been calling her as much as I should. also this is one of the last times that dorotea and I are going to  be listening to music with our doors open I'm going to miss living across from her. got some newish ideas floating around- might have a place to live in stockholm if I come back at the end of next year...