I think I am going to buy a diary, one with the dates on every page. to write every day. if I have too much to say or too nasty of course I will write here still and just note it in the journal. sketchbook will be only for sketching and art notes again. idk, I will feel more organized if all of my lists and wants and worries are in one place. I like re reading this blog  and remembering, the problem is I only write here when things are nasty. so maybe it will be good to keep track of things everyday instead. 

the planner I bought most recently was for the academic year rather than calendar, but that's ok, that's how most jobs work here... in the long run I get a new journal in january and a new planner in june which would be nice because I love to buy stationery! 

I miss my parents. sitting in the cafe that dad and I always went to for breakfast, went because I've been feeling sad/hopeless lately. I guess it's good to think that I am not half as miserable now as I was when I was here almost a year ago, that's something.
sitting here with anxiety in my chest, as always.

the american embassy, the arctic council, the barents observer....
iceland talking about US maybe coming back because we're afraid of Russia... the world is moving and I want to be involved. only problem, I have no skills, only interest. what to do. should have been a scientist. if I had done that, then I could just focus on the regions and issues that interest me because of environment and physical factors, rather than being expected to care about ~development in the global south~ or whatever the word is today (world's too big, I just don't care even if I wanted to).
I can't even make myself do art anymore, the one thing I still enjoy(ed)
I'm so behind

I just feel trapped no matter what I do. There's no POINT to anything I do all I am is bored or anxious and I can't make myself fix it.