I'm too old/everything costs money
why don't I just roll over and die

I'm shifting between "everything is painfully boring" and "I am so desperately unhappy I feel like something is crushing my insides"
always trying to fight the "everything is pointless and I don't care" feeling

I just don't have anyone to talk to, about anything really. thank god for my parents, willing to be friends with their adult child...

I hate myself so fucking much and I am so fucking bored of everything this is pointless

and then sometimes I am so completely irritated by my boyfriend. he is so fucking naive, so negative, sometimes I want to say get OVER it! I deal w/ this shit too but I don't let it take over my life! I am sad enough without having to deal with your ish too! get over it, GROW UP because I don't want to take care of you. I will not be together long term with someone that I always have to take care of.
I worried about all of the same things a few years ago, but I got over it. fuck those people, I don't care. I don't need anyone but me and that's ok! be tough! I will always be glad to help you and talk to you and be there for you, but I have enough to deal with making  myself keep it together, I cannot function as your entire self esteem too!

oh, you dropped out of school and don't speak the language? yeah, you'll definitely get into one of norway's free universities. not like there's any competition or anything.
GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK
I am so sick of looking for actual information, and all I find is a bunch of idiots being like ~lol I wanna move to Scandinavia bc of metal music/they're super liberal/hot ppl! I don't speak any of the languages tho, and I'm sure ppl who are doubting me are just haterzz!!~
that... is not helpful
or it's people who are like: "I wanted to move to sweden so I just did it yay!" and I think wtffff and then it's like oh. EU citizen. yeah, cool. (f you)

fuck I am so fucking bored and lonely
I hate myself

I have no feelings about anything. I just don't care, I'm horribly bored. I need something to want/plan/look forward to but I don't care or want anything
what is wrong with me
I'm searching for anything that will make me feel like doing something but I'm coming up blank

I am so fucking screwed I can't believe this

have I mentioned how great my parents are, I don't say it enough. I don't tell them enough.  I am not ready to go back, I am so fucking miserable and bored, I hate myself for being such a useless lazy fuck, everything seems pointless