I just want to live in a cute little apartment in the city and have tons of craft supplies and a sewing machine and room for all of my toy collections and I'll buy mlp and lps whenever I want, and tons of legos and  a playstation and all of the games and I'll just eat fruit all the time and bake things and use all the fancy hair and skin products I want, collect niche pefume, all the brightly colored sneakers and healthy food, and have some small fuzzy animal companion, I'd save a bit of money each week to go on adventures...if I lived in seattle I'd have a nice little bike and volunteer at the nordic history museum and go take flying lessons in my time off and I would also babysit kids on the weekends or volunteer in a kdg classroom or something. I want to live in seattle :( also I would have pink controllers

I am so fucking pathetic
good to know some things never change

There was something about rescuing a rapunzel pony, then living with a family in a tall skinny house and “whose socks are these?” then awful things started to come across the lawn to retrieve their socks. I swam across a lake to hang out with  kasie adaline and maybe Katelyn, but I had to write a paper. When I tried to swim back all the water was gone and there was a concert there, hard to get through all the people. Then I am at my grandparents’ old house, where the tysklinds live now. It is huge and strange and I am crawling around trying to recognize something, I wonder why there are so many people there I go outside. The sky is dark, and orange and red light as if there are huge fires somewhere, there is an old wall and through the archway I can see the city of Visby. Flocks of some reptilian creature fly back and forth, I can just make out the sillouette of their riders against the dark sky. I want to take a picture but it is difficult because my feet keep sinking, as if there’s only mud beneath the grassy tussocks. I step up onto what I think is a rock but it sinks as well and I jump off, afraid there’s something dead beneath it.

I try and try to take a photo but my camera doesn’t work and at some point it turns into a half eaten apple (and none of the buttons remain so I can’t switch it back) which I throw on the ground in anger. My mother argues with me and just makes me angrier. When she leaves I lay down on the ground and scream, I don’t care what comes up out of the dark. But then a boy appears, he is very good looking with long dark hair. Somehow, he understands, he knows me already but I don’t know him. I wonder for a moment why A hasn’t come to help me but then I realized he didn’t know, and I had no way to call him.  We spend some time wandering the house and talking. A showed up later but wasn’t very nice to me?

I told A I loved him yesterday, not really sure if I meant it or not. I love him maybe, but I’m not in love with him. The way the summer is now, I just want to explore by myself. I’ve never met anyone and I can’t imagine anyone that would be better than being alone sometimes. Lately I’ve been switching between “what am I going to do whithout this boy?” (when I’m with him) to “boy, what boy?” when I’m alone and thinking about what to do this summer.