the thing is, I need some sort of long term goal or everything is pointless. so now it's resting on keeping my current job (I hope) and studying some statsvetenskap courses in the fall (if I can) to get my swedish really fluent/networking/ideas. So now I need to figure out how to get my grades explained properly to apply for courses, then study hard to pass the TISUS. Then keep applying for kundtjänst/ whatever else I can get related to banking/investment here, to eventually get into something related to anti money laundering/counter terrorist financing. (and then continue on with Russian and all my other ~hobbies while ignoring the fact that I don't have a social life just ignore it)

start a career, make money, have a life in the city.

I'm just never good enough for anyone or anything. On one hand I see why: am not particularly smart or pretty or anything. On the other though, why does it seem like I have to work so much harder than anyone else (and still fail)?

Well no one wants to be around me so I have no bargaining chips

I want to be one of them but I don't know how. probably never will