god, even looking at my own handwriting makes me want to punch myself in the face
I was trying to hit myself the other day, I haven't done that for a long time. I've been doing it for as long as I can remember, it's only recently that I've realized that the intense urge to harm oneself is not completely ordinary. I am admitting to myself that I may have been dealing with depression in some form for most of my life, but I'm not a doctor so it's stupid for me to even say that. I absolutely hate it when people self-diagnose. I feel like I need to do something different, and now is my opportunity. I am not a "let the pieces fall where they may" sort of person; I am more of a "rip the pieces up and smash them into where I think they ought to be" sort of person. I have been doing far too much "going with the flow" lately and I think it needs to stop. I will force myself to go out, get things done, and make things happen in my life through sheer willpower. The stakes are higher this time but I've done it before, I will do it again.