I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. no one... likes me. there is always someone better, more interesting, prettier etc. I know this already. that's why I should focus on doing things. focus on things I can do something about. so why can't I make myself apply for jobs. I don't know what to do, don't know where to turn next. it feels hopeless and pointless and I'm so far behind anyway.

some things I am interested in/read about often:

belugas, orcas, porpoises, and narwhals. walruses and seals. evolutionary/biology 

geopolitics/the arctic, art/history, aviation.

science fiction and futurism, digital/media, linguistics, fairytales and folklore. 

personally, I want to be able to play an instrument and sculpt and read beautiful and enlightening books.

 I want more, more, more. I want to know more I want to see more I want to do more. reading a magazine today: eyelash extensions. WHAT THE FUCK? I want a life worth describing, enjoying, if only to myself. learning about the world and enjoying it is the whole point of existence, no?