I need to see the sea again

why am I such a fucking loser
why can't I make friends, why didn't they like me? why does this still bother me so much? why can't I find anyone here who is willing to reciprocate?

I just feel so isolated and for the first time I desperately want someone to talk to/ask for advice but there is no one
I've completely lost the ability to motivate myself to do all of these things that I really don't want to do, and I can't even make myself care anymore