I just feel sick with jealousy sometimes. I want to have close friends, but I know I will NEVER be a part of a group here. I miss L (not that he helped with this).

god I hate myself so much
I am so lazy and unmotivated I can't even do what I really want to- and then when I finally make myself try I suck at it so much

I looked through the photos from last summer today on the way home
I am still so sad about L
I have so much to do and it's like I don't really believe all this is happening- the end

so all of my friends and their families are gone except one and all of my extended family will be gone except one and my parents are moving to the boat so this is the last time that I will see the house I grew up in and maybe the last time I see some of my friends and the last time I will even be in Alaska for a long long time as I have no idea when I will be able to come back and no one will be living here in like 6 months anyway, ok now time to go back to Sweden where it is starting to seem like I will never get a job or a place to live, and first write a thesis about I-don't-know-what but wait I have to pass a statistics test first and write a 5000 word case study in like a week, and I leave in approximately 2 days