basic wants for a boyfriend:
taller than me
doesn't embarrass me in any way

always complaining, always a victim, everything is always the worst
a bit pretentious, always thinking you're going to laugh at me
makes it a little hard for people to like you?

why the FUCK DO YOU SHARE ALL OF THOSE STUPID THINGS ON FACEBOOK
I swear to god, it's embarrassing ME. what the fuck does that accomplish, anyways? all it does is make people hate you. even people who agree with you.
sometimes I don't know if I'm with him because I want to be or if I just can't deal with breaking up with him. It kills me to be so jealous of other couples who can go do things and not end up hating each other. go to stockholm and explore for the day? no, he'd gripe constantly about money, be worried about everything, complain about me walking to fast, complain constantly about rich people/hipsters/all those other people who hate him/he hates back/is such a victim, worries about everything, cannot make any decisions nor has any ideas, will get very pouty if I have the gall to get slightly annoyed with him for being such a wet blanket and ruining any fun, and will worry about everything. Actually travel somewhere? same story, only x1000.
other than that he just makes me happy so much of the time and I just can't imagine giving that up
pathetic

I just want to be as sure as they are, if I'm going to be with someone
I want to just laugh, and not be embarrassed
someone who will go on adventures with me and not drive me up the fucking wall

I am essentially getting what I wanted, I think

but I am so afraid and so anxious I think I'm going to crack. I've been so miserable and anxious for so long now, and I get no break, not for the whole next year, I  keep telling myself just to get through these classes, but these are easy compared to a master's program I am so afraid. my head hurts and my stomach hurts, feels like pressing behind my eyes and throat, my heart hurts... all the time. half the time I have no idea what I am so scared/anxious unhappy about.