I made it I did it (kind of). I still procrastinate (obviously) but I'm not nearly as bad about it as I was. I get up, I have amazing friends, I get to go on trips that I'm still/will be thinking about years later, I climb and dance and skate and snowboard so often really, I read soooo many books, journal and go for walks, I'm excited about what I'm studying and my work, grateful for what I learned from being a teacher.... I still think about Y, I still procrastinate, I still doubt myself from time to time and occasionally have those flinches of self hatred or deadness but it's ok. I'm still so in love with J nearly four years later and the feeling seems to be mutual. Going on that trip and hanging out with E last week, being there again definitley made me think of Y but the sting has gone out of it. I had so much fun just taking the train, drinking coffee, going to bookshops and talking to E and her friends, seeing C again and hearing about our teenage years from a different perspective. So funny how all of these women grew up on the other side of the planet and yet there are all these similarities in family dynamics, and what being from a SMALL town does.... This fall I am so excited for the courses I will take, going back to visit E again, appreciating time with my friends here, getting over myself a bit when it comes to my climbing progress (this month has been super productive, J and I have been climbing or skating nearly every day), and hopefully working on some more art (have been narrowing down the projects I actually want to do and the supplies I need today). Next year I will write my thesis and officially take a russian language course while job searching (cringe, but everyone says it will be fine...) and I am looking forward to many calm days at home at my desk, writing, researching, and studying on my own. That type of work feels almost restorative to me. I also hope to go snowboarding a few more times this coming season. After that, I will travel back to the US for a big trip with some friends of mine who have never been before, I want to show them around the west coast and do some sailing! I am dying to go back to alaska  even though I went last year, it's like the more often I go the more often I want to go back.... after that, who knows. Hopefully I will have a job that I like that is interesting to me, I really do love learning and doing new things, but otherwise I have no plans... J and I will look into buying an appartment, I want to figure out some sort of plan for snowboarding more than I have the past few years, and I want to do more art. Really the only downsides are some issues I'm having with my feet wrt figure skating, and the constant having-lots-of-art-ideas-but-hating-everything-I-make thing.. it's ok. I'll be fine. I always am!