I still haven't done anything, these past months I haven't been climbing or skating and it's like I don't even care. I want to hold on to the feeling I had this morning when talking to my dad about electrical engineering, or when I got that letter from H, or when I was reading the backs of books and imagining, or when I remember all the little things that Y told me or recommended but that hurts now. I know I want to fix it but I don't care. sucks to see the last post about mountain biking was nearly 2 years ago and I haven't done it. started climbing, and snowboarding, and skating, and tried surfing I guess. I just don't care enough to care enough to do something even though I know I need to.

I should have written so much about Y here. He made me feel like a kid again when I had that huge imagination/connection to inner worlds. not that I was in love with him, I didn't really know him. but he made me feel like myself, he made me feel understood, and like finally there was SOMEONE out there who sees things the way I do. I don't know how to find another one of those people if I can't really describe it myself, and I don't know how I can settle for anyone else once I found out that there ARE people who think like me.

I am studying physics now but could very well fail the exam and not sure what to do next. Thinking that if I don't get into one of the programs I want I will go and do a ski season somewhere in sweden, only problem is most places here are lame... I feel like I am not progressing in anything which makes me lose interest I hate it I hate it