I am so angry about how much I have wasted my life. why do men get all the actually-fun hobbies? I want to go mountain biking, I want to have started with longboarding much earlier... I've spent the past 14 years of my life (since I was 10 I suppose, my parents did a good job of shielding me from the worst of it) with half my brain being taken up with how I look and I am so fucking tired of that. I feel like I only have a few years left to really use this body- climbing, longboarding, biking etc etc before my recovery time starts to get too long. I have to focus on that and save the safer stuff for later (like sailing, for when I have more money too lol). but also, getting pregnant? WHAT A FUCKING WASTE! what a waste of brain! what a waste of time! what a waste of good physical condition with which to do actual enjoyable things! fuck!!!

wanna get some big sunglasses
really get my clothes down to a uniform
no more wasting time on beauty stuff
gotta quit wasting my time on the internet. I feel like I have been less successful than I could be because I am so addicted to the easy highs of digital media. Studying is only boring because it's not a quick dopamine hit (IR and social studies were different in that I had to actually DO very little outside of reading and analyzing interesting stuff). I have so much time and I need to USE IT.