still miss L. still don't know if I did the right thing breaking up with him. sometimes there's just really strong memories, like what he smelled like, how he hugged me. no one to talk to about it though it just hurts still when I'm not expecting it. I'm so tired.  I haven't been writing about him but there is another one, J- I liked him of course. but I wasn't really thinking of anything, now I'm really starting to like him. I don't know why I feel so awful. It seems like maybe he doesn't like me so much, I am boring annoying... I know this is not true. but still, I feel like I am not a part of anyone's real life. I should have waited and become better friends with him  first, then maybe...