ok now I'm crying about having to leave my parents again
I don't even know what to do. I have to break up with my boyfriend, I've decided and I have to do it but I want so badly to NOT hurt him and there is no way for me to do it that won't end in a sad way. I have to go  and do, I actually have some plans and ideas now, and I have to do it by myself. I have to figure out how to live in the world and be an adult on my own.
I should be excited about going abroad again but I just want to stay here, in my old bedroom with the comfortable bed and all of my favorite things, and the most beautiful summer I've seen in ten years, and the sky and the mountains and this whole place is so so beautiful and it's where I've lived all of the happiest parts of my life. I just want to keep doing nothing for a little while, living with my parents and going to coffee and going out to eat and walking the dog and going hiking and watching movies together in the evening and cooking dinner and helping mom in the classroom.
I've never really had a time where I didn't get along with my parents, and I never felt that they didn't "understand" me. it's just in the past few years I enjoy spending time with them more and more, and now I feel like that time is limited and fleeting and I'm just not ready to go back yet.