What was I thinking? What did I think would happen? I just want to be left alone, I am such an awful person I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry      What did I say? Of course I knew he doesn’t like me much at all but that doesn’t mean it’s nice to hear, it hurts a lot actually why? Why am I so awful, I’m just a stupid stupid child of course no one likes me. Why on earth would this be any different, I’m horrible, but why do I need this validation? I keep thinking maybe, just maybe if I had done things differently, if I hadn’t been so stupid, this would have gone differently (it wouldn’t have) always, the “what if” even if isn’t possible is going to kill me 

I feel sick so so sick and I can't even explain why