I've been thinking about clothes again; I am done with skirts. I only want pants (but not always?) I feel  silly, stupid, not like myself when I wear super-girly clothing
I want power, I don't want to wear anything that I cannot move well in
sometimes I like the girly thing, put on a pretty sweater or a nice dress and pearl earrings and pin back my hair just so and all of the old ladies looooooovvee me and everyone thinks I'm so respectable such a good girl, doing mundane things and being so nice and polite to everyone and smiiiling so much and we talk about church, because we always talk about church, and she's such a nice girl so she must be christian, marriage and babies in her future, yes, not like all those other girls, the whores, the ones with bare shoulders or the ones who have opinions the ones who don't smile placidly at boys' antics...
it's partially, there's a divide. I dress one way for "adult" society and I dress another for myself
sometimes I find myself trying to dress in a way that makes me more approachable- so I don't "scare boys away" as my mother says- but the problem is I like scaring people. it is so silly, what do they think I'm going to do to them?
to scare average citizens: be tall and thin, wear black and gray, everything fitted, boots, high collared jacket, walk fast, march, no quiet feet, no smile, and people practically jump out of your way