I feel so trapped- like "real life" is rushing towards me, it'll be horribly boring/depressing, then I get old and die.
wait what? that's not what I want, but I can't seem to figure out what to do about it  
I have to break the pattern somehow, but I am not bright, smart, unique, assertive enough?  to make it happen
but I have to think that I will, or I'll want to jump off a cliff