I really want to make toys
or write for a show like adventure time
I would be good at both of those things
but I'm not remotely on a track to do either of those things

I think I'm studying international relations because it's interesting to me, and the school work that comes with it is something I can do pretty easily. The problem is, I don't want to work for an NGO. I don't really want to work for the US govt. (not that I could ever get a decent job), and there's no fucking way that I could make it into the UN and I'm not even sure I want to. If I'm in Sweden (like I want to be) it'll take forever to become a citizen, I wouldn't be able to work for their government. I'm just interested in how the world works. I feel like a lot of this international relations etc should be basic stuff that everyone learns. I want to travel also, but I feel like my interest in traveling is a little different than a lot of people's. I want to see things, sure, but I'm more interested in spending a lot of time in one certain place, absorbing it, learning a different culture, trying to connect with people on more than a surface level. I want to know what regular life is like in X country. I only really enjoy going places where I can stay with people I know (I'm lucky to have these connections).
I'm not anywhere in the universe of good enough/crazy enough to make it through art school, and it doesn't seem worth it to go through years and years of making boring stuff I don't care about when I can just make things at home for fun.

what am I doing with my life I don't even know what I want (well I sort of do, but I know I'll never be able to make it happen)

I also want to write/tell stories (I would not be particularly good at that)