I feel like no one actually likes me. they just tolerate me. people always get annoyed with me, tired of me eventually.  no one has ever sought out my company, it's always me. always me, my mother says "well you need to _____ more!" (because, of course, everything is completely my fault) but the thing is, I do. I call my friends, I invite them to do things, I talk to people, I listen... and my efforts have never been reciprocated. I am not a loud person, I am not nosy, I have zero interest in trying to get someone to like me. If I have to put that much effort in it is not going to happen. The problem is my friends, the people I do know, seem to forget that I exist unless I am right in front of them, and even then they ignore me. I will be saying something, and then they'll just start talking to each other while I'm still talking, or not even look at me. It's happened so many times, I start to answer someone's question (If you don't want my reply, do not ask me questions) and they start talking to someone else like I'm not even there before I've even said two words. S does this all the time. "you told me that, bro" yes, I know, but someone else asked me about it and they were actually listening to me before you interrupted? also I was not talking to you as evidenced by the fact that I did not say your name nor was I looking at you? you're not the only person in this room? people always interrupt me and talk over me I just need to stop talking.
S can't stand it when she isn't the expert on something. Which is fine, I don't care but you sound really stupid when you talk about guns or drinking. Stop calling people sluts and then turning around and going off on various bits of pop culture for being sexist (especially twilight/50 shades etc YOU ARE BEATING A DEAD HORSE. a very dead horse. also, stop talking about how you ~~HATE ALL POP MUSIC. It does not make you so aware/cool/counter-culture. I don't know, I'm a little more concerned about the current societal attitudes that make things so shitty for women, (attitudes that you seem to agree with half the time?) not stupid books that have been analyzed and critiqued to death by everyone and their mother. no one cares)  I can't talk about anything without being told to "calm your tits bro!". Do I sound panicked? I don't think so. Do I sound like you anytime you talk about various superhero movies, etc? yes. Are you only telling me to calm down because there might be a guy around and you want to be seen as the "chill" girl? yes. because obviously the only thing I can be interested in is the same shit that everyone else is interested in. It's either "calm your tits" from these people or the "raised eyebrows" look from H which makes me want to fucking shoot someone. H: "oh, you're talking about something I know nothing about? I'm sure it's really stupid then so I'm going to try and act superior". So, what is "freaking out" jumping up and down, screaming, panicking? talking about something all the time? raising your voice? because I have never done any of these things yet I am constantly accused of "freaking out". I will often say "ugh, I am super worried about ~~~ because this has been such a mess and no one is answering my emails". If you don't want to hear it, say so. Sorry for trying to get things done. Yeah, so the stuff I was worried about last year? yeah it actually went really badly for me. Things have gotten pretty screwed up. But I didn't panic (I never do) and I haven't given up yet, so forgive me if I'm mildly concerned and want to double check things. If I learned anything in my first year of college, it is that you cannot trust ANYONE. You must do everything yourself. The world is absolutely full of hopelessly incompetent, useless adults who don't know how to do their jobs. You have to double and triple check everything. Universities are useless bureaucracies that are only trying to get as much money as they can out of you.