yeah so mom isn’t going to be back for xmas

and nobody’s saying it, but grandpa may pass away and then she would stay to plan the funeral and all too

so I’m gonna be stuck here by myself all break…. I better make a lot of plans or I’ll go crazy

no one knows/has planned the family gathering, and none of those idiots would drive all the way out here if I organized it—I might do it anyways if no one else will

I feel completely hopeless and useless. I have no motivation to do anything and I don't really care. I can't fall asleep at night, I can't wake up in the morning, I can't do anything other than sit around all day doing NOTHING. part of me knows that its just the dark that is doing this to me but for the most part I just hate myself for being so weak and pathetic.
I want to go back. the last three months I was actually happy most of the time, for the first time since I was little. I think it was having something to do every day that I didn't hate, and I was never alone, and there was always a full day of sunlight...