I'm staying up late again. I don't know why I do this to myself. I could have fallen asleep two hours ago... I'm afraid. terrified that I will never be anything. how can I? I always feel so weak and stupid. there are always so many people so far beyond what I could ever do, I am always inferior. I am not gifted intellectually or socially, I have no physical skills, I am not beautiful. I feel trapped in my body sometimes. I know that I am better off than many, but it feels so useless! jogging two miles is a feat for me, while my peers are easily running four. I remember, in gymnastics, I was never very flexible. in PE class at school, and when I played with my friends, I could never run as fast. I would get side aches. I still do, almost always, and nothing seems to help it. my eyes are bad. I feel betrayed by my body sometimes. there are so many things I could do but I'm stuck in this weak limp thing, and it never seems to change, no matter how hard I run.